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1. I'm Best Friends with Women (and I'm not Gay) -- Laugh all you want but its true. I have a knack of becoming best friends with all sorts of women and I can talk with them about anything. Yes, even pregnancy and nursing. As this is almost unheard of in the male community, you know right away I'm *different*.

2. My Cold Immunity -- Due to my prolonged exposure to conditions in space, I have developed an immunity to cold. I am not joking. Ask my friends. I can stand outside with bare skin exposed (like my arms or my legs) and have zero physical effects down to about 10 degrees farenheit for over 10 minutes of exposure. No red skin, no goosebumps, no shivering, heck, the skin isnt cold to the touch. I wear shorts 365 days a year and I have no need for coat. How else can you explain this?!

3. My CD Collection -- No, really, I am an alien. What other being would have King Diamond next to the Kingston Trio and Slayer next to the Smothers Brothers in their CD Collection?! No one would have Ani Difranco next to Bruce Dickenson (of Iron Maiden), right?! Or Melissa Etheridge next to Exodus?! What about Enya next to Entombed? Victoria Pratt Keating next to Primus?? Jesus Jones next to Iron Maiden?? And to top it off, try Bill Cosby between Candlemass and Danzig!! Come on! What other proof do you need!

4. Sometimes I Dissapear -- No, this isnt a joke. Its happened at least two times. One time, I was in my converted-closet meditating and "fell asleep". I woke up in my closet and went into the other room to ask my roomie if my friends had come over yet and he said yes but they couldnt find me. When they showed up, they said I was gone, but I told them that no I was in my closet and they said, "No, we looked there! You werent there!" The second time, was when I wore a silver choker necklace that I couldnt remove over my head and it had one of those clasps that you need 20 minutes and a magnifying glass to hook or unhook. One morning I woke up and my necklace was gone. I searched and found it under my pillow where my neck would be -- and it was CLASPED.

5. My Nuclear Diet -- Yes, I have friends who call my diet nuclear. Granted I am not on this diet now... but when I was in my depressive days, I would hide within crazy food. Some of the food I eat just grosses them out. They cant touch it. Maybe its the combinations. The individual items arent that bad... well most of them. We're talking: Green Cheese Soup with Bleu Cheese crumbles thrown in with a side of Kitchen Kooked Cheese Curls washed down with Red Creme Soda. And soon after, the desert of Ben and Jerry's Phish Phood.

6. Sometimes I am Invisible -- You're thinking, ha, you are going to claim that you were invisible up there in that closet. Well, I guess it would be a possible explanation, but no I have another story to relate to you. One night I was in a place I shouldnt have been. Of course, doing something I shouldnt have. This place was along the back side of someone's property and since it was dark and there werent any lights, I went thru their property. After a few minutes, the police showed up and started walking around the house. I was wearing light colored clothes and I thought I was toast. So I stayed very still, calmed my mind, and was sure not to look at the cop. He was searching with his flashlight and came within about 20 yards of me and I know I was in his line of sight. But he didnt see me. Then when he turned away, I boldly started walking away from him, not looking back, keeping my thoughts calm. He never saw me.

7. I Can Read Your Thoughts -- No, I'm not talking thru the traditional methods of Mind Probes or Implants. I'm talking about just straight up. I often finish other peoples' sentences. I can sometimes hear words or pick up pictures you have in your mind, as well as emotional states and reactions. Sometimes I can do this from a distance. I do not relate these things to you, of course, I dont want to freak you out. But I faithfully record these in Our Human Behavioral Database.

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So now you know. I want to emphasize calmness here. Do not panic. My mission here is a peaceful one. I promise.

--Grue