Maybe I'm a poor listener. Maybe I have too high of hopes. Maybe some part of me hasnt grown in the past 20 years. Maybe, as a friend of mine so beautifully writes, I set myself on fire. I'm sorry for hoping.

I'm tired of bad stuff happening. I think that facing 3 deaths face to face (the mom and the grandma in the accident, and our dog got hit the other day so she had to be put out of her pain and buried) is too many.

At least Grandma is still hanging on.

I'm tired of the old bad stuff still hanging on. I hoped it was gone, but I had a sneaking suspicion it was still there. Some things came too easily. And so I've mostly shut down to protect myself. So now what? I want it gone. I want a fresh start with this stuff. I want to find the depths of it, as scary as that may be for me.

So tomorrow is the real big one. I'm scared -- but I dont know if I am more scared of them calling me for an interview or more scared that they wont. Is this the place? Is this the time?

--Grue